Finding your Voice...
Of course there are things or people at school (or at home) that will bother you. Life offers issues or concerns from time to time that “bug you”…and some of them will stick around long enough to create long term problems or issues that seem irreconcilable.
When a problem can no longer be ignored, how does one find their voice? How do we find the right things to say, with the right attitude so we can “speak the truth with love” at the right time? If it were an easy answer, we would all have taken care of it a long time ago…but still that feeling of unresolved issues persists. What would Jesus Do? WWJD?
A former student of mine wore her WWJD bracelet everyday. More importantly, she worked hard to ensure her attitudes and actions lived up to the implied expectations of that acronym. At times she failed…so it is with most of us.
As Christians we want to be cooperative and be seen as problem solvers not problem creators; but just how does one “set up” a family or school meeting to address “the elephant in the room?” It is important to find your voice…somebody has to lead the conversation toward reconciliation – why not you?
Likely there are several right ways to plan the “next steps” to resolve those problems and issues but for today I am offering one right way. If you have an unresolved conflict you may want to use this template to guide your discussions.
Conflict Resolution process for School Problem Intervention: An Outline
Issue/concern: Provide a brief written statement of the problem. Please state the facts as you perceive them to be…try and avoid opinion or accusations in your writing. Be specific. KEY: If this problem is to be solved (and all problems can be if that is the desire of all parties) everyone involved (parent, teacher, student) must realize their part in producing the problem. “If there is a problem here, I caused some of it” is the starting point.
Remember the good news…if I am a part of the problem, then I have ownership and that empowers me to be part of the solution.
Note: If in the future a new unresolved problem emerges…please use this same guide to find a solution. Finally, realize that conflict will be resolved ONLY if all parties want it to be resolved. Doing your part is all you can do…then let it go and pray that the Holy Spirit will continue to do His job with the other party who is not seeking resolution at this time. Then you can “dust off your sandals” and move onward and upward toward other positive attainable goals.
- by Gary F. Hartman, Ed. D.
When a problem can no longer be ignored, how does one find their voice? How do we find the right things to say, with the right attitude so we can “speak the truth with love” at the right time? If it were an easy answer, we would all have taken care of it a long time ago…but still that feeling of unresolved issues persists. What would Jesus Do? WWJD?
A former student of mine wore her WWJD bracelet everyday. More importantly, she worked hard to ensure her attitudes and actions lived up to the implied expectations of that acronym. At times she failed…so it is with most of us.
As Christians we want to be cooperative and be seen as problem solvers not problem creators; but just how does one “set up” a family or school meeting to address “the elephant in the room?” It is important to find your voice…somebody has to lead the conversation toward reconciliation – why not you?
Likely there are several right ways to plan the “next steps” to resolve those problems and issues but for today I am offering one right way. If you have an unresolved conflict you may want to use this template to guide your discussions.
Conflict Resolution process for School Problem Intervention: An Outline
- Goal: Turn Issues/Concerns into remedies that will benefit all parties
- Objective I: Make sure the plan to solve is clear, student/child centered and achievable in a timely manner.
- Objective II: Focuses on the current major issue…don’t revert to past issue(s). Let’s together solve one problem…if we can solve the most pressing problem, it is likely that the lesser issues will begin to fade as well. If not, they can be the subject of a later meeting.
Issue/concern: Provide a brief written statement of the problem. Please state the facts as you perceive them to be…try and avoid opinion or accusations in your writing. Be specific. KEY: If this problem is to be solved (and all problems can be if that is the desire of all parties) everyone involved (parent, teacher, student) must realize their part in producing the problem. “If there is a problem here, I caused some of it” is the starting point.
Remember the good news…if I am a part of the problem, then I have ownership and that empowers me to be part of the solution.
- Be prepared to recommend one or two different solutions/remedies for this problem. These recommendations will require behavior and/or attitude change on your part as well as others. Remember: As you change your own behavior…it automatically affects how others behave.
- Discover how powerful you are as you practice self-enhancing behavioral changes vs. the “same-o, same-o” self-defeating behaviors that got you into the current conflicting relationships.
- Listen to suggestions form others on ways they believe might help solve the current issue. Recognize that there may be other right ways to solve the problem and be open to finding mutual solutions that addresses the problem.
- Accept that solving a problem usually involves a process and timeline. If it took several weeks or months for the issue to evolve…it may take an equal amount of time for a complete resolution to be achieved. Agree on a timeline to assess how the mutually agreed upon “new behavioral plan” is working. Is it helping to solve the issue? If not, tweak it! Together you can make a new plan…show perseverance…. never give up!
- Do not involve others who may want to gossip about the issue…the standard response, if someone asks about the problem being attended is this: “It is being handled.”
- Give time for reconciliation – this is important…give time, time.
- With all parties working toward easing the tension and doing their part to “fix the problem” – things will get much better. I promise.
- Finally, Christ taught us to Ask, Seek, and Knock…What are we seeking with our attitude and actions? What are we asking for with our behaviors? Whose door are we knocking on…or better yet who is knocking on our door? Forgiveness is more than a virtue…it is a requisite for Christians. Yes we are all imperfect…and yes we need to solve issues and we can…all we need to ask is WWJD? And then build our plan of reconciliation on that model.
- Together we can…Together we will!
Note: If in the future a new unresolved problem emerges…please use this same guide to find a solution. Finally, realize that conflict will be resolved ONLY if all parties want it to be resolved. Doing your part is all you can do…then let it go and pray that the Holy Spirit will continue to do His job with the other party who is not seeking resolution at this time. Then you can “dust off your sandals” and move onward and upward toward other positive attainable goals.
- by Gary F. Hartman, Ed. D.